How to Write a Letter of Instruction to Your Family
A will says who gets what. A letter of instruction says everything else — the practical, human details your family actually needs in the first days and weeks. It isn’t a legal document, so it can’t replace a will, but it fills the enormous gap a will leaves: where things are, who to call, and what you’d want. Here’s how to write one.
Why a letter of instruction matters
A will is often sealed, slow, and silent on day-to-day questions. Your family, meanwhile, needs to know things now — where the insurance policy is, which accounts to notify, whether you wanted burial or cremation. A letter of instruction speaks to them directly, in plain language, without waiting on probate. Think of it as the note you’d leave on the kitchen table if you could.
What to include
Cover the ground your will won’t:
- Where your documents are — will, trust, deeds, titles, insurance policies, certificates.
- Your accounts — banks, retirement, investments, and where the details are found (not the passwords themselves).
- Who to contact — executor, attorney, financial advisor, employer, and close family.
- Digital life — how to reach your password manager, which accounts to close or memorialize, subscriptions to cancel.
- Your wishes — funeral or memorial preferences (like using a Celebration of Life Program), and how you’d like to be remembered.
- Care of dependents and pets — who should look after them, and how.
Keep it in plain language
You’re not writing legalese — you’re writing to people who love you and are overwhelmed. Short sentences. One topic at a time. It’s fine to be warm; many people end the letter with a personal note.
The security rule
Because a letter of instruction points to everything, never put full passwords, PINs, or complete account numbers in it. Record where those are kept, store the letter somewhere secure, and make sure one trusted person knows where to find it.
Keep it current
Life changes — new accounts, new wishes, new people. Review your letter once a year, or whenever something big changes, so it never sends your family to a bank you closed in 2023.
If a blank page feels daunting, the End of Life Planner gives you the whole letter as guided, fill-in-the-blank pages — your people, documents, accounts, medical wishes, and final arrangements — so you’re just filling in what you know, not composing from scratch.
Keep reading: What to Put in a Death Binder · End-of-Life Planning Checklist · Estate Planning Checklist. View the full Memorial & Celebration collection.
This is general guidance, not legal advice — a letter of instruction does not replace a will. For estate decisions, consult a qualified attorney.
Explore our categories: